Unlike Burger King, Special Orders Upset Us
by Steve West on March 16, 2013
Recent conversation with Brenda.
Brenda: Feel like Subway for lunch?
me: Only if I get a foot-long sandwich that's actually 12 inches long.
Brenda: You can tell just by looking?
me: Oh, I'll be taking a tape measure. I'll demand they use it before they cut the bread.
Brenda: They'll probably say they'll get you one from the back and spit on it.
me: I'll make sure you get that half.
Brenda: I'll just have a salad, then.
me: I'll just complain about their choice of dressings and I'll bet they'll say they'll get me one from the back.
Brenda: Just don't ask for the special sauce like they have at McDonald's. I have a theory about what they make that with - bull semen. I think it was Ray Kroc's private joke.
me: That would be an interesting order, though. Please give me the special sauce with extra bull semen, please.
Six Replies to Unlike Burger King, Special Orders Upset Us
Steve West | March 17, 2013
What I wrote was intended to be obviously tongue-in-cheek but it makes me wonder the number of people who actually think like that. But if Subway knows that there will be shrinkage during baking, just start with 12 1/2 inches of dough (or whatever) to end with 12. Problem solved. Until the next retentive idiot complains.
Scott Hardie | March 17, 2013
Never underestimate the stupidity and wrath of the Internet-using public.
Tony Peters | March 17, 2013
I am sorry but who bakes bread that shrinks? I don't buy bread I haven't in 2 years, make a batch of dough every 8-10 days I bake bread every 2-3 days. I have never once in all that time seen a loaf shrink when I put it in the oven.
Steve West | March 17, 2013
I must have misunderstood the one article I only casually read but I thought it referenced shrinking loaves. That's probably entirely on me.
Tony Peters | March 17, 2013
what is likely happening is that they are using cheaper yeast and sugar in their dough which gives a bigger first rise but not as predictable a baking rise. The initial dough recipe likely used a higher quality higher cost yeast, sugar is CHEAP....As regular baker it is amazing the difference a high quality yeast makes
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
The Day In Pictures
The Seattle Post Intelligencer recently has introduced a new feature to their webpage called Go »Christmas Post #16: A Hillbilly Christmas
My father was born and raised in North Carolina. Throughout my childhood we would make the summer trek to my Granny and Grandpaw's house in the middle of the state. Many a summer night passed listening to roosters (they crow all friggin' night), the occasional gator grunt, and my hillbilly cousins fart and scratch while playing cards. Go »Christmas and a Lizard's Tale
One Christmas when Lauren was eight, like a lot of girls her age, wished for a pony. My backyard at the time was about the size of a Volkswagen Minibus. Despite her assurances that she would let it roam the neighborhood for sufficient exercise, I said, “Not this year,” as I pictured myself following the horse with a pooper scooper. Go »Really Cheap Costumes
Looking for a great photo for a future Halloween section in that photo album you can show the grandkids? Just wear one of these T-shirts. And then get arrested. Go »Ice Cream That Would Make Homer Simpson Retch
In all honesty, I felt physically ill after about 1/3 of the way through this list. I could actually taste some of this nauseating stuff and it made my stomach churn. I don't even want to know what raw horseflesh flavor is like. Go »
Scott Hardie | March 17, 2013
McDonald's sells an enormous number of Big Macs. I don't want to know what it takes to get that much bull semen.
The whole recent scandal over one guy in Australia only getting 11 inches of bread on his footlong Subway sandwich seemed misguided to me. People do notice when Subway mentions in advertising that they bake their bread fresh every day in the back of the store, right? And they do know that when you bake dough, every pre-made factory dough, it doesn't come out consistently every time, right? And they do know that when you multiply the number of loaves needed by the number of locations by the number of days that Subway has been in business, it's almost inevitable that there are going to be some deviations, right? I get that people are tired of being nickeled and dimed by big corporations, and I get that Subway's lame response to the scandal made it much worse. But I don't get that people honestly expect every one of the millions of loaves of bread that Subway bakes to turn out the same. I guess the solution is simple enough from Subway's perspective: Cut lines 12 inches apart into the baking trays, so that employees can quickly see which loaves came up short and discard them.