Intruder Alert
by Scott Hardie on December 31, 2006
At 5:30am I was awakened by the doorbell and the sound of someone fumbling with my door. Through the peephole, I watched a young man desperately trying to pick the deadbolt. After a couple of minutes, he gave up and stumbled off towards the other apartments. Was he:
A) an incompetent burglar?
B) a drunken neighbor who forgot which apartment was his?
C) a guy who really had to pee and didn't give a damn any more?
Ten Replies to Intruder Alert
Steve West | January 1, 2007
I'm guessing a combination of A & B - drunken burglar with a possibility of C too. I agree with Erik that a call to the police was in order, especially if another apartment was indeed burgled.
Tony Peters | January 1, 2007
NOT
that situation should have been dealt with by whipping the door open holding something threatening...sword, spear, Axe, baseball bat, or my favorite shotgun. If he's trying to pick a lot he's a burglar regardless if he succeeds the act of using lockpicks on a lock not your own without the permission of the owner constitutes Attempted Burglary in mosts states. punishing the incompetent and or stupid will either force him to become better of chase him into another line of work (such as dog washing). For the record we are talking about a standard Kwikset 7pin deadbolt right? Unless it's brand new or really really old they take about 20 seconds to pick any more and he's a fool.
Jackie Mason | January 1, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Scott Hardie | January 2, 2007
Well, I could tell he was trying to put something in the deadbolt and jiggle it around, but I didn't see for sure that it was a lockpick, so I should have said "open" the deadbolt instead of "pick" it. The guy could have easily been a drunken neighbor, didn't realize he was in the wrong building (they're all identical), and was confused why his key was not working in "his" door. You're all right, though; I should have called the police just to cover all the bases.
Jackie Mason | January 3, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Tony Peters | January 3, 2007
whoa that's just wrong...if I lived in a building so generic that I could mistakenly go to someone else's door it's time to MOVE. I can't think of anything that is more frightening to me that living a life that uniform.
Tony Peters | January 3, 2007
damn double posting
Anna Gregoline | January 8, 2007
Could easily be a mistaken drunken identity thing, it's certainly not cause to MOVE! Goodness. You'd hate to see some of the things I've seen in Chicago outside my window, Tony!
Denise Sawicki | January 10, 2007
I've tried the wrong door in a couple of my previous apartment buildings, without even being drunk. I guess I just wander about absentmindedly at times! One building was symmetrical inside and had a staircase near each end, and by the time I had climbed to the top I would sometimes forget which door I came in / which staircase I was on, causing a period of disorientation as I tried to figure out which way to my apartment. I haven't ever tried to jimmy the lock, though. :) That might require drunkenness.
One time I was going to check my laundry and I freaked out some lady by opening her door absently, thinking it was the laundry room. That was pretty dumb. I noticed she put a large, obvious "Welcome" sign on her door shortly after that.
Despite these troubles, I would agree with Anna that living in a series of identical buildings is hardly the worst fate in the world. :)
Logical Operator
The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »
OK Glass
Last weekend, Kelly and I drove up to St. Petersburg with friends to see Ira Glass present a one-man stage show explaining how he makes This American Life on the radio. I had no prior familiarity with his work, having not heard the radio show unlike the fans that I went with, but I think it's long past time that I started listening to the celebrated series online. Go »House of Pain
Happy new year! The first month of 2015 has been so terrible that I'm declaring a re-do as if it never happened. 2015 really starts now as far as I'm concerned. Go »Windbag
I don't know what Polaroids he has of whom, but somehow Tom Skilling has elevated himself to some kind of all-important weather-broadcasting god. When I grew up in Chicago, I watched him gradually get a bigger and bigger budget for his animated graphics, and gradually get a larger and larger timeframe to deliver his dull reports. By the time I left town, he had a whole 20 minutes of the hour-long midday newscast for the fucking weather, and boy did he find trivia to fill it: Average dew points across Cook County on this day in 1854, theta-e temperature predictions for every Cubs home game next season, you name it. Go »Atkins
I'm now in my fourth week on the Atkins diet. I had planned to write about it at the start and maybe once each week, but I've been so busy... dieting. Go »Moved In
We are moved in and settled, or as settled as we can be with little money and way too much stuff for a two-bedroom apartment. The final move will come in April when we transfer to a house. We have our eye on a house in Ruskin, 30 minutes from here – four bedrooms, two-car garage, cable included, never lived in, all for $50 less a month than I pay now. Go »
Erik Bates | January 1, 2007
[hidden by author request]