A Guy Walks Into A Bar...
by Steve West on September 19, 2007
That is the opening line to a joke with a genre all its own. Here are a dozen I found at various sites around the web.
1. An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do I come here often?"
2. A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.
3. A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender. The Texan replies, "About what?"
4. A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You can come in here, but you better not start anything!"
5. A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
6. A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
7. A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
8. A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
9. A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The skeleton says, "Give me a beer, and a mop."
10. A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
11. A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says the man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.
12. René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he'd like another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and he disappears.
Ten Replies to A Guy Walks Into A Bar...
Steve West | September 19, 2007
Not really. This is the stuff that entertains me. Seeing the silly stuff on the web - the number of sites that contain stupid and/or amusing content. On occasion, amusing only to me, perhaps. Not trying to act offended, really, just admitting that internet crap like this amuses the hell out of me.
Amy Austin | September 19, 2007
Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...
I've been waiting 22 years to hear the punchline this one.
Amy Austin | September 19, 2007
A Grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says, "You know there's a drink named after you, huh?"
Grasshopper says, "They named a drink "Steve"?
Lori Lancaster | September 19, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Erik Bates | September 19, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Amy Austin | September 19, 2007
Heheh... good one, considering I don't usually find Family Guy all that funny.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.
Bewildered, the bartender says "Pardon me, cap'n, but did you know that you've got your ships wheel stuck to your crotch??"
"Aaarrr! ", the pirate replies. "It's drivin' me nuts."
Jackie Mason | September 20, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Amy Austin | September 20, 2007
I had the joke of the day for International Talk Like a Pirate day... and nobody said anything!!!
Jackie Mason | September 21, 2007
[hidden by author request]
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Dear Miriam...
Oh, thank you Miriam, that's great advice. BTW this letter is indeed a spoof of the "Dear Miriam" column in The Daily Mirror that appeared in the satirical publication Viz. Pretty damn funny, though. Go »Pass Out Drunk And Still Be The Life Of The Party
I haven't passed out drunk since my brother's bachelor party 25 years ago. Thankfully nobody cared enough to torture me like these guys. I experience schadenfreude seeing photos of this nature but still laugh my silly ass off. Go »When You Care Enough to Hit Send
E-cards of an unusual and hilarious nature. I haven't tried one so I don't know if they work - it appears that they do. But they're extremely funny nonetheless. Go »Take Me Out...
It was baseball night in Bowie. As part of Lauren's tenth birthday celebration, we went to see the Bowie Baysox. Highlights of the evening included: Nearly getting nailed by a foul ball while distracted by getting pizza sauce off my pants. Go »Eleven Times Bliss
To celebrate our anniversary, Brenda and I decided to keep things simple. Kids with a trusted sitter, she and I would do the dinner and a movie thing. A romantic movie with not a thing being blown up, i.e. Go »
Lori Lancaster | September 19, 2007
[hidden by author request]